DEAR MAN planner
The four sentences of a difficult ask, written out before the conversation.
PDF, 1 page, 2.5 kB. US Letter, prints in black and white. No email required.
When to use it
Before anything that matters and that you have been putting off — a request, a boundary, a no you have not managed to say.
How to fill it in
- Describe the situation in facts only. No adjectives with a verdict in them.
- Express how you feel as an I-statement, owned as yours rather than as a claim about their intentions.
- Assert the actual ask. This is the step almost everyone leaves out — three paragraphs of context and no request.
- Reinforce: name a genuine benefit for them, and say it after the ask rather than before, or it sounds like a bargain.
- Fill in the bottom half before you go: the one sentence you will repeat if it goes sideways, and what you will accept instead.
The thing that makes it useless
Reading it aloud. The point is not to perform a script — it is that having composed the sentences, you will find them when your heart rate is up.
The other worksheets
An original worksheet implementing skills that are widely taught and publicly described. It is not a reproduction of the published DBT handouts, which are copyrighted by their publisher, and nothing here is affiliated with or endorsed by the developers of DBT. If you are in a programme, use whatever your team gives you — a diary card your therapist designed is the one they will be reading.
General information, not clinical advice; the people described are composites, not real clients. DBT skills are not a substitute for treatment or for a safety plan. Listings on this site are maintained by independent practices. If you are in immediate danger, call 911; the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text any time.